are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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