she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize