You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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