I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
