smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize