I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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