biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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