we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
