He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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