ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
