Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
