What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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