You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
