I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
