like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
