It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
