my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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