Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
