Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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