Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
