Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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