My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
After tacos, we're chasing women.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
