Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
