so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize