so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
