Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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