Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
