cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
