69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
