Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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