i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
