i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
false alarm, still single
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