on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
