Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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