i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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