I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
