the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
