Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
