There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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