Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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