I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize