The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
