shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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