I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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