it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
