everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
