she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The power of my boobs compel you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
