I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
