I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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