I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
