and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Randomize