She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
