This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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