He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
