Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
