Non-Jews are for practice
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize