I just pynch a tree in the face
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
