Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
