so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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