The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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