all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
