You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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