Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
