Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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