I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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