and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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